Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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