you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
