no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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