U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
