I hate all girls vehemently.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
