Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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