So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
