The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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