My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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