Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
