in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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