Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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