you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
