Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
