what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
