I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
