don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
