I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
