hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
