He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
