i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
