there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
