I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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