I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
