I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
