Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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