I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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