Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Randomize
