Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
