It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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