stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
