Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
