Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
