I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
