He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
