I want to make a zoo with you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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