hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
