We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
