My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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