from now on my penis is your penis
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
