watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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