that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
