You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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