she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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