my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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