I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Drunk is not a location!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
