shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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