She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
