Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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