youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
