pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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