we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
