We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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