I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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